Day Fourteen Hundred and Twenty-Two

The Greatest Treasures

If not for this girl, I don't know where my life would've ended up. 

I don't want to play that game, but seriously, without Amy and her husband Josh, Adam and I both agree that it's likely we never would've gotten married, and if we had, it wouldn't have been built on the type of rock solid foundation it rests on now.

The two of them taught us more about marriage, honor, sacrifice, and obedience than anyone before, and helped us out of our sin and into a place where the both of us were living aligned with God's will. It was hard, but honestly and truly, it was more worth it than we ever could put a price on. To everyone we tell our story to, Amy and Josh are present in the words and in the conversation. Their willingness to be real with us, to be serious with us, to call us out in complete love us and fight for us unconditionally is what Adam and I take into conversations and relationships with other couples now. The love they showed to us - and continue to show - has changed more lives than they could ever realize. God is using you in mighty ways, my friends. We love you dearly, dearly, Amy and Josh, and are so thankful to have you in our lives.

All that to say...thanks for coming to visit Amelia and I, Amy and Harper!!! What a day!

Harper is just as adorable, just as fun, and just as sweet as she seems online...but we're SO HAPPY that finally, we were able to meet in real life!!! :)

Love you forever, girls!

And Amelia says, "Love you forever too, Papa!!"

You've got the biggest, most interesting tasting thumbs...

The most curious conversations.

The most handsomest grin and fuzzy face.

And my most favorite laugh of all time.

 You're the greatest Papa I could ever want and I'm so blessed you're mine.

Day Six Hundred and Sixteen

The Pullman Patnas

Auntie Kendall and BigBoy off on a day of adventure...

"We'll be there in one hour, Hunter," I told him when we left. I cranked up the music, and together, we sung, clapped, and danced all the way to...

PULLMAN!!

Where mommy-to-be Amy was waiting for us! 

And Baby Martin (who lives in Mrs. Amy's belly)

And Uncle Josh (who plays the guitar) <---- Hunter's words :)

It's always on my mind to make a trip to Pullman whenever I visit Washington. Not only does it bring back sweet memories of Adam and I and our days at WSU, but living there in the rolling hills of the Palouse are a couple of our dearest friends and mentors. And any chance we get to see either of them is a special treat that we just can't pass up!

Resonate Church will always feel like home to us...and to have the opportunity to share my heart with my squiggly, small little nephew was such a blessing to me. For now, when I ask Hunter "Where's Jesus," he answers, "In my heart, Kandle." But one day, my prayer is that he'll be able to repeat those same words with sincerity and conviction, knowing and accepting that he is loved, he is saved, and that he's been redeemed.

He's the best.

After a yummy dinner and chat with Mrs. Amy over our favorite Mexican food, it was back on the road for Auntie and Hunter. At the mention of not finishing enough of his meal for a "special special," Hunter took his leftover cheese roll and shoved it in his mouth! We giggled and I succumbed. Safe to say he got his treat!

Thanks for making time for us, Amy! We love you and really miss your company.

Day Four Hundred and Fifty-Two

The Dervan Dinner

All the way from Tennessee, our NEW pastor and his family just arrived here in Jupiter on Monday! They've made as much progress as possible, but with four lovely little blessings running around - all under the age of 8 - the task of moving in has turned out to be a bit more of a challenge. So, all week, Family Church has been pitching in to help. Last night, Adam and I cooked them dinner (one of our favorites: Mexican cornbread pie!), put all of it into disposable bins, and delivered the meal to their kitchen! It was a lot of work, but in the end, so worth it. We met an incredible family and found common ground almost immediately. First, 3 of their 4 children have bright red hair. So does their Mommy! I told her that they'd all fit right in with my family of redheads! Then, we discovered that Mexican is their go-to choice for dinner. Perfect! Just like us! And finally...get this:

Stephen Dervan and Josh Martin are friends. Like, whoa.

Josh Martin (surely you know the name by now...if not, he's the pastor-man-friend of ours who did our premarital counseling, married us, and did my daddy's funeral) and Stephen go way back...back to the time in Josh's life when he was living out of his car and putting on concerts/shows with his magician friend, Drew. Apparently, Josh even crashed on Stephen's couch a night or two along the way! Can you say, uhm, CRAZY! All of us were in shock when we unveiled this incredible truth. Immediately, we stood in front of Stephen's phone while he called Josh on speaker. Josh didn't pick up (he's a busy man!) so we left him a message instead...

We left the Dervan's home feeling refreshed, excited, and in part, overwhelmed! If Stephen is anything like Josh Martin, he'll surely be a HUGE blessing to Family Church in ways he could never even begin to comprehend. Amy Martin (Josh's wife) taught me: PTL!! <--- Praise The Lord!! :) 

Day Four Hundred and Twenty-Nine

The Hope of Forever

We honored my father's life yesterday. It was hard. Really hard. But it was happy too. Tears - so many tears - fell from our reddened faces, but after them, faint traces of smiles curved up from the sadness. We celebrated a good man. A strong man. A caring man who helped shape the lives of so many who knew him. I learned an incredible amount about the friend he was through the stories they shared.

It was probably the most bittersweet day of my entire life. I hold onto the hope that my father is with his Creator, but I also hold onto the longing of a dad who was taken away just as the family was getting used to "together" again.

_______________________________

I spoke about my dad yesterday. With half a voice and a broken heart, I managed these words:

"12 years ago, I was sitting in the parking lot of some restaurant dressed and ready to go to gymnastics practice. Dad was supposed to have dropped me off at the gym, but instead, he took a red faced, tear soaked, broken hearted little girl to talk. I told Dad how I didn’t want him to die. News of the brain tumor was completely unexpected. His likelihood of survival – only 20% after the first year – was devastating. I needed my daddy. And so did Jake and the girls and Mommy. What were we going to do without him? I told Dad, sitting in that sky blue caravan that it wasn’t fair. Why did this have to happen to him? He looked at me and said that it was ok. Mom would take care of us. But that I had to be brave for my little sisters. I said I would. He then asked a question of me that I’ve never since forgotten. One of our family’s favorite musicians was Sarah Mclachlan. On long road trips, I remember mom and dad laying down the back seats of the van, covering us with blankets, and playing her entire CD. One of our favorites was, “I Will Remember You.” We all knew it by heart. In the car that day, sitting alone with my Daddy, he requested that I sing that song at his funeral. I promised him I would – I would do anything for him. Later on that night, I remember practicing. I practiced and practiced. Because I thought that soon, I’d have to sing.

When Dad died 12 years later, the promise suddenly came back to my memory. And Ellie, the day that I got to Spokane, reminded me, “Kendall, you know you have to sing at Dad’s funeral, right?”

We looked at each other and laughed. Ok, with this voice, there’s no way I’ll be singing. We’re supposed to be celebrating, not suffering! And I think Dad would completely understand. But, Sarah Mclachlan, she can sing for us at the end of the service.

A week ago, when I went to see Dad for the very last time, it was hard. It was hard for all of us.  But in an uncomfortable funeral home, with all the weird smells and creepy cleanliness, he actually looked comfortable. Like he was ok. At peace. We stayed with him for a while, and with our last goodbyes, we exited the room into the foyer. And playing over the radio, right after we’d said goodbye, was that same song.

Losing our father so young comes with feelings that none of us can really fully comprehend at the moment. We’re all still waiting for him to just appear again, with a “haha, tricked ya!” grin spread across his face. Just like when he used to tell people that it was ok to touch the huge divot of a scar on his forehead, and when they did, he’d scream in pain, like they’d hurt him or something. The look on their faces was priceless. He was ornery. And it was funny. But this time, I know he’s not coming back. This isn’t a joke. It’s our new reality. But I think it’s a happy reality too. That day in the funeral home, maybe Dad was trying to tell us that he’s ok.

And I believe that. Completely. The last twelve years of our lives have been hard. After the divorce, our family was split across the state. For a large portion of their childhood, Ellie, Shelby, and Morgan didn’t see much of Dad. They lived with Mom in Seattle, and Jake and I lived with him in Spokane. This physical distance created an emotional distance in all of our hearts. There have been multiple nights each one of us fought back tears, and questions, and resentments. In some aspects, my sisters felt like they had lost their daddy a long time ago.  It wasn’t until this year that things really began to change. Even though it took ten years to get us all back on the same side of the state, all that pain was worth the peace and healing that was beginning to cover my family. In August, Dad suffered two strokes. One of them placed him in the hospital and impacted his ability to continue caring so faithfully for his mother and himself. At this time, he was living in the Seattle area. In a decision that would change the course of our family forever, he began packing his bags. He was ready and excited to move back to Spokane, where the rest of the family was. And a few weeks later, we packed two UHauls and drove our family back together. In only a month, my dad, grandmother, brother and sisters saw more of each other than they ever did in any given year.  Finally, my sisters could spend time with their dad, and my dad could spend time with his daughters. A true healing was beginning to comfort my family. Dad was home. And we were all together at last.

I think Dad was missing the peace he found after only a few days in Spokane. He got to see his grandson turn two. He got to cook dinner with his children. He got to see his baby girl in the hospital after she got hit by a car. He got to see old friends. He got to Hit golf balls and play catch with his son. He got to talk with his sweet Shelby the day before he passed.  Dad did so much this last month, and though he might have been tired and really sick, his effort to bring this family back together was undeniable.

Dad has always been a strong man. He’s a fighter. He fought for his life and got 12 years for it. He fought for another month and got his family back for it. His resilience courage, and positive attitude are characteristics that I’ve always admired and respected him for. In the midst of each diagnosis, with his life on the line, I only ever heard him doubt his comeback once.  He worked hard, both mentally and physically, to recover his health and live a life free from restraint. When most people would have just given up, he gritted his teeth and gave just a bit more. And that’s how I like to think he battled the last few months of his life too. After the stroke, maybe he could have just given up. But he knew he couldn’t. He had unfinished business to make right, and he wasn’t going to leave us until he did.

My dad was born on June 23, 1966. And in his 46 years of life, he’d seen a lot. From the very beginning, he was a sports freak. His passion for baseball would eventually get him a spot on the roster at Spokane Falls Community College. He was good and had a dream of one day playing professionally. But when the kids started popping out, he took a step back from the game he loved to play and began raising a beautiful family. He would never give up his passion though. All five of us kids were raised at the ballpark. Fond memories of slush puppies and licorice ropes bring us back to the days of fastpitch softball at Franklin Park. He wore a striped uniform sometimes and that one was our favorite. Growing up, we knew Dad to be a handyman too. He built all the cupboards in our home, the front porch, the balance beam and high bar, the fence, the bunny cage, and it makes sense that in all the time he spent sorting through the lumber section of Home Depot, he’d finally end up working for them years later. He loved working with his hands. My dad loved camping at Priest Lake in the summers and playing snowshoe softball there in the winters. He loved Dave Matthews Band and the Hard Rock Café. He loved his coffee, his candy, and his shiny white car. My dad loved Klondike bars, collecting pins, and Adam’s baseball cards. He loved t-shirts and blue jeans and completed his ensemble with Adidas shoes and a baseball hat. He hated when he forgot to take off his prescription sunglasses when he went inside and hated even more, the thought of eating anything green. Give my dad a piece of broccoli and he’d look at you like you’d lost your mind.

I remember crying one time because I actually thought my dad had lost his mind. I couldn’t have been more than 10 when I came downstairs and found my dad looking sharp and smelling great. “Uh, Dad,” I asked. “Where are you going?” In a completely straight face, he told me, “To see the Barenaked Ladies.” I immediately started balling. “Why would you ever want to go see naked ladies, Dad?” I later found out that the Barenaked Ladies was a band made up of men…and none of them were actually naked.

Another classic story: Out of Sunday School one day, a little boy at church was asked by his parents what he’d learned. He told them that he’d learned what the four gospels were. “Well, what are they?” They asked. He smiled and said, “Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Johnie Mays!”

My dad was loved by so many. He was a kind and gentle soul and one you could always count on for a gigantic hug. Unless you were one of his baseball players. Then he’d just yell at you and tell you to catch the ball. He’s touched countless lives and given so much hope to those who’ve heard his story. He battled courageously and gave it everything he had. My dad was a good man. He was a brave man. And he’s a man I’ll forever miss seeing. But I have the hope of a new life he’s living now. For me, that’s the best news that could ever come out of this."

 I love you Daddy. I miss you. And I'm sorry.

________________________________

Thank you, friends and family, for your continual support through this difficult time. Grieving the loss of my dad would've been impossible without your encouragement, kindness, and service to us kids. We are forever grateful for the people we have in our lives. And thank you, Josh and Amy, for pastoring my dad's celebration with words of truth, reality, boldness, and sincerity.

Day Four Hundred and Twenty-Seven

The Take-Away

Yesterday Kendall and I travelled back to Pullman to discuss the funeral with Josh, who will be presiding over the service. It is always such a breath of fresh air to chat with our once-pre-marital-counselors/small group leaders/ best friends ever! With all the emotion and craziness the past few days, it was a great help for Kendall and I to slow things down and gather our thoughts. Josh and Amy talked us through this process and we walked away feeling confident we could pull all of this off. We returned to Spokane to meet up with the rest of the family, and get back to it.

Jacob and all the sisters have the difficult task of deciding what to do with Johnie's possessions. All the kids wanted to take something of Johnie's to remember him by, so with limited time before the funeral, and our departure to Florida just a few days away, A Hard Rock Cafe Pin Set was Kendall's choice. On the background of the framed memorabilia? A map! Definitely appropriate for our lifestyle pending I remain a baseball player...Then we got to the hats. John sure did have a lot of hats, so they had plenty to choose from. We all tried on a hat and forever documented the memory in Kendall's blog. Now according to Grandma, "it's time for Easter." I agree!

Day Four Hundred and Seventeen

The king Meets His King

At the age of 25, I never thought I'd be writing anything like this.

We had plans. Big ones. Dad was going to begin throwing the ball again. He wanted to pitch for his old fast ball team. He was already hitting golf balls and considered possibly getting back in to bowling too. We had a Spring Training trip planned for March. He was going to come down and hang out for the week in Baseball heaven.

So many plans. 

So much to do.

Yesterday, my Daddy passed away.

I screamed. I cried. It wasn't real. It isn't real. He couldn't be gone. He can't be gone. 

It's only been a month since Dad moved back to Spokane to be with his family. Finally, together again. After so many years. It was a new start. An exciting start. And everything was going so well. 

My Dad was happy. Well, he was always happy. Ask anyone who knew him, and they'd tell you that that smile never left his face. Except when you tried to feed him vegetables. Or when the Mariners sucked. His last comment on my blog said that he was doing great. And I believed him. The next day, he died. Peacefully. Taking a nap.

My dad fought cancer for 12 years. He battled and clawed his way through countless rounds of chemo and radiation, pokes and prods. In his suffering, he found ways - so many ways - to inspire hope. He was courageous, even in the face of death. He was sturdy, defeating all the odds. I heard him only once, tell me that he was tired. Gosh, Dad. How were you so strong? For so long? I admire him more than anything for that strength.

It's hard to say, but I think my dad was ready. He was ready to go Home. Actually, I know he was. He'd been strong for so long, but he found a different Strength right before he left this world. 

On Tuesday, Dad received in the mail, Saturday Nothing, a book written by Josh Martin. The same friend and pastor who married Adam and I. Dad read the entire book in one sitting. After finishing the story - a story all about Jesus - Dad wrote a review of it on Amazon:

"I must say first off that I am not a biblical scholar! But Josh's approach in this book makes it very easy to understand and I thank him for that. A very poingant story that hits on all levels. I am proud to say I am a prodigal son!"

My hope lies in the 10 words of his last sentence. Maybe just the last 5 words. Dad returned to the loving arms of Jesus before he died. And Jesus ran to meet him. Forgiven. 

On  Wednesday, October 31, 2012, John Mays III, My Daddy, My Friend, My Coach, and My Hero, passed away. I find hope and peace in the words Dad wrote just one day earlier. He's in Heaven now. He's Home. He's spending eternity with His Father. God, I am so thankful You waited for him.

I want to thank everyone, on behalf of myself and my family, for all the prayers, encouragement, condolences, and stories that you've poured out over my Dad and our family. He was, and is, loved by so many, and one measly blog post could never encompass the man he was or the words I could speak of him. For my memory, his, and our friends and family, here are some things you had to say:

"Your dad is, was, and always will be an inspiration to anybody that had the privilege of knowing him"

"Jake Kenzie Ellie Shelby Morgy Porgy, your dad will be remembered as an inspiration of stregnth and courage as well as compassion... Lolly I hope you can call on his stregnth right now! none of you ever forget how many hearts that mans memory lives in! I only hope the pride of such a legacy helps some of the pain..."

"Johnie Mays, this is heart breaking news. You were and always will be an influential father figure in my life. I remember when you first got sick and how I cried and cried and you comforted ME. Even all these years later, I think of little things you taught me, like how it really doesn’t take any longer to walk around than to cut across the grass. Or how on the road I might think I can’t possibly hold it any longer, but sure enough, I can. I think of the bigger things too, like your strength of character, and your capacity for forgiveness. I think of you all the time, and that won’t stop now."

"A long time survivor of brain cancer won an eternal, cancer free life with Jesus yesterday. Please keep his family in your prayers as I know he will be terribly missed by so many. I met Johnie through a survivors page a couple of years ago and he is one brave, grateful soul! RIP Johnie... I look forward to the day we will be able to meet in person! "

"i love you so much. you will be missed more than you will ever know. always a smile or a joke to crack and i will miss every moment of it. you were such a fighter, and you will always be a hero to me. you taught me that no matter what the doctors say, no matter what they tell you, that you can fight through it. one of the strongest people i know, and you fought that horrible disease for years. i love you."

"Johnie was the first person to reach out to me as a friend when I moved to Kirkland in the 8th Grade, and that outgoing and friendly spirit lives on. Wish there were more like you, Johnie."

"The world lost a great man and one of my heroes tonight. He was the best baseball coach many of us have ever had and the strongest and most dedicated person I have ever met. You'll be missed by many coach."

"The Hard Rock pin collecting community and the world have lost one of the good guys today. Rest in peace, my friend. I hope I will see you again someday."

" I came to know Johnie through the Seattle HRc pin club.I am proud to call him my friend. A finer one I could not find. I will miss you, I love you my friend. You will leave a void in my life no one else can fill. You brought laughter , to our meetings, you brought yourself, I could not wait to see you and always saved you a placed next to Ernie and me. My neices ,loved you too."

"He was so courageous and positive throughout his fight with cancer. My heart goes out to you and his chiildren. I went to high school with Johnie, and I have enjoyed his FB posts and pictures about his family. Such a proud and loving father, such a kind soul. What an amazing family and bond he had with all of you. As a 2yr breast cancer survivor, and being in the midst of a 5yr anti-cancer drug therapy, he was a real inspiration to me on keeping positive and appreciating life despite cancer treatment. I will miss his ray of light"

"There is no greater title one can be bestowed than that of one who is the embodiment of true courage and inspiration. I can think of no one who deserves that than Johnie! I have had the pleasure of knowing him in our youth, and watching him become a father of children who he had no greater proud of."

"Johnie, you fought a great fight. Im sad to see someone go so early. Now its your time to hangout with the baseball gods and watch over your close ones. My Prayers go out to all of his family. Johnie, go play the game you love forever."

Thank you.

I love you sweet Daddy.
You'll always be the king of the castle. 
And I'll always be your dirty rascal.

Gosh, I miss you already.

Day Four Hundred (Again)

The Last Full Day of Washington

I couldn't decide whether or not this post should say "Day 401 or 400?" But since technically it was Day 400, I think I'll keep it that way. We'll see how this all goes. So far, so good.

Walking down this part of campus was rarely enjoyable for me. Nightmare walk-of-shames I took while on that pavement after failing miserable tests still haunt me. I’ve run down the hill numerous times, and then trekked back up it 50 minutes later, never once getting any relief from the sweat that accumulated on the top of my freckled nose. The age-old joke that grandfathers tell everywhere actually holds true in Pullman, WA: you HAVE to walk uphill both ways to get anywhere. And in the winter, forget about it. You’re best off bringing an extra pair of sweats with you to class, just in case you can’t make it there unmarked by slushy brown yuck. In my rush of college, I can definitively say that I took for granted the beauty surrounding me in my daily travels to campus. Washington is so beautiful. And in the fall, WSU might just be the prettiest university I’ve ever seen. 

The most popular classroom in all of WSU is called “Todd Auditorium.” I probably had a handful of classes there, all with upwards of 200 students. Everyone knows where it is, how to get there, and what to expect out of class discussions: there aren’t any. It’s just too big of a room for that sort of thing. You can sleep during lectures and the teacher will never notice, you can read the newspaper without causing a distraction, and you can definitely Facebook all class long and never get caught. I speak solely from experience. So, it’s big. It’s popular. And it’s the perfect place for a third church service! Resonate finally made the huge move to campus. For freshmen, those living in dorms, students without cars, and bookworms alike, this is monumental!  Those students now have access to a community of Bible believing people who desire relationship with the Lord and with each other.  It’s beautiful. Resonate’s heart for the college-aged population is undeniable. I’m excited to see where the Lord takes their church next. Oh, and Adam and I got the treat of hearing Josh preach yesterday! He’s really a gifted speaker. Like, he should (or at least could) be preaching every Sunday kind of gifted.  Then again, he’s just as good on the guitar and in the microphone. Also behind the camera. And with a pen and paper…and, and, and.  : ) 

Before leaving Pullman, we had brunch with Hilary and Carly, two of my bridesmaids and old teammates. It’s always a crazy time with the two of them. There’s never a dull moment, a break in conversation, or a shortage of outrageous stories. Half the time, my face never recovers from a shocked expression. We get along so well, probably because we’re all so different. I miss them and our days as teammates and whenever I say bye, I leave with a big smile on my face…and a head-shake that doesn’t cease until I’m at least 20 miles away. They’re crazy. But I love them.

On our way home, three MOOSES (Meece? Meeces?!) we’re munching on a field just off the highway. In 5 years of travel back and forth to Pullman, I’ve never seen such a thing! We definitely stopped and took pictures.

Immediately upon arriving in Spokane, we visited Dad and Grandma, said our goodbyes, and headed to church with Mom, Dan, and Ellie. When that ended, we rushed over to the Thomas’ and stuffed our faces with the gourmet creations of Pamela. Gosh she’s a good cook! We ate and ate, talked and talked, and enjoyed the company of wonderful friends. I can say with 100% confidence that Adam and I made every minute of our trip count. Because of that, we’re exhausted. But so thankful for the memories we made and all the people we got to see. A month away from home is a bit extreme, I’ve realized, and I cannot wait to cuddle up under the blankets on my side of the bed! Thanks Washington!! You’re beautiful and your people are too! But so are Floridians…and I’m ready to see them!

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Nine

The Martin's...Stadium

Kendall and I feel so blessed to be able to visit the ones we love in Washington during this early off-season. We left Spokane early this morning with big plans for an off the top of my head speech for the baseball team. We arrived in Pullman just before 11AM to find only Gregg Swenson (my college pitching coach) in his office. Practice was short, and only for pitchers who couldn't miss throwing today. Our day quickly adjusted as we met with Gavin, an equipment manager for the baseball team. He surprised us with a box of Coug gear, I especially liked the sweats. Thanks Gavin! After a Panini from Heroes and Sports, Kendall and I ran all over town meeting with old friends. We were so happy to be in a rush to Josh and Amy's. After 10 months apart the four of us haven't missed a beat. Re-connecting with them felt right at home and the only excitement for them that rivals dinner tonight, will be watching and learning and Josh teaches tomorrow morning at Resonates Todd Auditorium service on campus. It has been too long since we heard our great friend preach. This is however great news, and bad news all at once, although we can't wait to hear Josh preach, He will not be leading worship tomorrow, and for that we are bummed. Also Amy literally makes the best applesauce I have ever eaten, and she gave me her last jar. Kendall might have been jealous because she loves feeding me so much, either way, I loved her applesauce, and her finely prepared dinner! 

Cougar Football Saturday! Our trip to the newly renovated Martin Stadium was much like our trip to Washington in general...crazy. We ran all over the stadium catching up with more friends, and congratulating Megan on her awesome half time show performance, great job Megan! Thanks to Lindsey Weber, we got free ticket to the game, and even got to thank her in person and catch up. Her and her husband had their first child four months and a day ago, a baby girl. Congratulations Lindsey and Nate!

The new Martin Stadium...I hope by now you all get the title of this blog. Kendall and I are worn out but I tried making it a little creative. I struggle however to keep pace with the designers of the new press boxes and second deck seating pictured here. It reminded me of a Mac Book Pro, grey and white with white lights, sleek, precise, well advertised. We finally got to see the new addition to the stadium although it came at the price of a cougar loss. At least we have Resonate to look forward to tomorrow morning, and another day of seeing friends and family.