Day Eighteen Hundred and Forty-Four

The Greatest Gift

Jose Fernandez

#16 Forever.

"God is our refuge and strength; an ever present help in times of trouble." Psalm 46:1

The reality of our new reality still seems distant. A dream. A nightmare of the worst kind. It's been five days since I received one of the most devastating phone calls of my life. She was begging on the other side of the phone that this was a joke. That it couldn't be real. That it was a mistake. There are no words at a time like that. Only the most painful kind of tears. 

As I stared at the scene outside his funeral service yesterday, my tired mind went to so many places. In just four years of us meeting him, he had amassed a legacy that is undeniable. From a little boy dreaming in Cuba to a big boy living the dream in America. You couldn't script his life if you tried.

It was spring 2012 when I met Jose at the beginning of our first minor league season.

He spoke with Adam in Greensboro, NC, asking him if I would meet his fiancé at our apartment complex to give her his keys and welcome her into minor league life. The team was at the field and Jose couldn't be there when she arrived. Meeting me there, he thought, would at least give her some comfort. So gracious. A gorgeous woman stepped out of the car with a little bit better than broken English. Little did I know, this precious girl from Uruguay would change my life forever. 

We spent that entire first season together. Jose and Ale, Adam and me. The two boys traveled together. The two girls traveled together. Them on a bus. Us in her car. On the road, they were roommates. When they were gone, we were roommates - snuggled up in my bed because we were too scared to sleep alone. It was in the early summer days of 2012 that the Lord brought into my life, a girl that would never leave it. And actually, it took just less than a week to realize what a special bond we shared. She began teaching me more about myself than I ever considered, and I was right there for her while she waded the waters of a fresh, young engagement. So many things were new to her. So many things were new to me. I wanted to help her in ways I could never help someone before. Adam and I were newlyweds with a heart for young couples and a passion for Christ that made us open and available to their growing relationship of four years. Over countless meals and road trips, we spoke to them about marriage and life and baseball and family. It came so easy. And it's so clear to me now that the Lord has been at work all this time.

Because of Jose, I have Alejandra.

The greatest gift and friendship I've received through baseball.

And in order to have given me someone so dear, so pure, so kindhearted and gentle, someone so spontaneous and charismatic, you have to be a person so easy to love. And that's exactly what Jose was. He was a person so easy to love. And though he's made me so angry and bitter and resentful and disheartened, it's only because of how easy it was for Alejandra to love him. And how easy it was for me to love her. 

I could never thank him enough for bringing her into my life.

Though our days of Jose, Ale, Adam, and Kendall were numbered, the days of Ale and Kendall are not. And that's because of him. At the end of that first season, we said goodbye and come 2013, things were never the same. I maintained close contact with Ale that offseason, but that next Spring Training, she didn't come. My heart broke for them. My heart broke for me. He went to Miami alone, Adam and I went to Jacksonville. And to be honest, baseball has never quite been the same since then. 

We watched Jose from afar those next two years. Living his dream and finding much success.

It was weird not having him around. Not having her around. But I never left her side. Now I wish he felt like we never left his side either. As I reflect on what could've been, I am met with a twinge of regret. I think that's natural. "Is there something I could've done? Something I could've said," and although there probably was something each of us could've done or said, the truth is that none of us can change the moment of our passing. That's the Lord's realm. It's in His hands. 

And it's so clear to me that there was great purpose in his passing. 

A man so young, so vibrant, so full of potential and love. Curiosity. Passion. He was the epitome of the American Dream. Someone everyone could relate to. From the bottom to the top he rose, breaking down barriers that seemed unfathomable. He had help along the way - much of it through the love of Ale and his family - but what he achieved was unique to the specific gifts God had given him. For a specific purpose. You can't just "get" his fastball. Or the feel of his curveball. Or his tenacity. Or his charisma or charm. That's given by the Giver of Life himself. God so uniquely designed Jose to reach an audience that maybe no other baseball player ever has. And it was a strikingly large audience. And it was a strikingly particular audience. 

All over the country - and even the world - news of Jose's death was a gut-wrenching punch. It made me want to vomit. But because of how special he was - how sometimes controversial and always entertaining he was - God was able to use him in a way that so clearly pointed to the truth of God himself. 

I can't make this stuff up:

A week before his passing, Jose attended baseball chapel for the very first time. One day before he died, he attended baseball mass for the very first time. We were told that on that day, the gospel was spoken plainly. JESUS! Sunday was supposed to be Jose's day to pitch. It was his fifth day. But because Adam was ready to come off the disabled list, they pushed back his start to Monday so that Jose could both have an extra day of rest and pitch the last game of the season. JESUS. On the day of his death, it was Ichiro Day at Marlins Park, which was a day to honor Ichiro's great achievement of 3,000 career hits. "Ichi" in Japanese is the number 1. "Ro" in Japanese is the number 6. Ichiro Day: 16 Day. JoseDay. JESUS. Sunday's game was cancelled. On Monday, Adam took the mound in place of what should have been Jose's mound that night. Adam and Jose were from the same draft class - first pick and second pick. They were roommates in Greensboro. They were promoted to Jupiter on the same day. Their girls are best friends. They were always #1 and #2. Friends but complete opposites. Jose was #16. Adam is #61. 16 and 61. Same numbers, just opposite. And Adam loves Jesus. Who more prepared spiritually to take the mound that day? JESUS. In the very first Fish at bat, Dee Gordon - the smallest guy on the team and with only one Big League homerun to his name - smacked a homer to right field. JESUS. The Marlins won that night. JESUS. On the day of his funeral procession - Wednesday - Jose was driven to the stadium for the very last time. Once all the guys were outside and waiting on Jose's arrival, it began raining only over Marlins Park. See the photo from yesterday's post. JESUS. And after yesterday's funeral, a rainbow stretched across Miami, ending at the very place Jose was taken from this earth. JESUS.

To say that all these things were mere coincidence is unfair at best and deceitful at worst. To me - or to anyone paying attention - it's as though the Lord is standing right in front of us waving his hands in desperation that we would notice him. That we would see these modern, real miracles and consider for a second what is going on. Who is doing it? Why? God did all these things publicly. It was all there for everyone to see. And there were a lot of everyones watching. I sit here and wonder with hope and bold prayer that Jose's passing sparked something in the souls of those who were touched by him. Whether from up close or from afar. To witness and to take in everything that's happened, it would be dishonest and cheap not to consider where he is now and where you're going later. His death wasn't in vain. It wasn't for nothing. Rather, God is using it to create a stirring in some people and to unite others eternally to Himself. I can't think of a better legacy to leave this earth with. Bringing people to Christ. That's our calling.

I can't say with certainty that Jose is with the Lord right now. That's not my dominion. But I have great hope that he is. That when he saw the jetty at the last second, he pleaded for Jesus - if he hadn't already before. It's obvious that the Lord was at work in his heart. That Jose was pursuing, searching, contemplating his life and what he was here for. That he was changing. Truly. I've prayed every day since Monday, "Jesus, let him be with You." 

I see with such clarity now why God brought us to Jose and to Ale.

On the worst day of probably her whole life, God had already been preparing us for her broken heart. He's been working through us and in us that we would be a pillar of strength for her and a light to guide her feet at a time that we were available to her unlike anyone else in her life. He brought her to a place where considering her eternity was actually real and we were able to share with her the only reason we have any hope in all of this...and the only way to find Rest once you're gone from this world. Similarly, God has raised up Adam to a position of spiritual leadership in a clubhouse that has been rocked like never before. Adam's been so in tune with the Lord over the past four years; constantly growing and learning and being refined by the Spirit, using the gifts God gave him in baseball to make speaking to an audience of Big Leaguers normal. And because of his obedience, he's been able to speak to his friends and teammates about real life things. About Jose's death in a way that brings hope and peace and strength. I'm obviously not there, but what's going on in that clubhouse is something so special, so unique, and so of the Lord. And Jose made this possible.

If you don't know it already, you were created by the Lord himself.

Created by a Creator who is the embodiment and actual existence of perfection. Completely perfect. In every way. Not a speck of impurity found in him. And because of his glorious perfection, he cannot be in the presence of imperfection.

You are a sinner.

You are not perfect.

You have done and said and thought pure evil. 

So have I.

There's not been a single person on this planet who hasn't (Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God).

And because God cannot be in the presence of sin, we are eternally separated from him. From the maker of Heaven and Earth. Cut off. Without any way back to him. Which means after this life, we are separated eternally from everything perfect. There is nothing good where God is not.

BUT JESUS.

God, in his great love for us, did offer us ONE AND ONLY ONE WAY back to him. He sent his son - his perfect and sinless son - to this earth. To live a life free of every dirty thing. To live a life without impurity, without deceit, without any ounce of sin. Never once did he act or think in a way that wasn't completely of God. He lived the very life that you and I should be living. But because God is as just as he is loving, someone had to pay of the sins of you and me. If I went to your house and broke your lamp, either you or me would have to bear the cost of replacing it. Thankfully, God chose his son to be that payment. On your behalf. Because he was absolutely perfect - without blemish, spotless. The only payment worthy of sacrifice. And so, God sent Jesus to the cross (Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us). Jesus endured a death far more painful and undeserving than Jose or anyone who's passed before us has. He didn't deserve it. He didn't do anything wrong. But he did it so that you and I - when met with the same fate as Jose - would be able to live in His presence for the rest of eternity. Because what Jesus did on that cross wasn't just about him being beaten and hung to die. No, he was beaten and hung and then worst of all, God's presence left him. Jesus' perfect, eternal relationship with his father completely severed. Jesus paid the penalty for our sins. And the penalty for our sins is an eternity separated from him (Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord). It's Hell. Yes, Hell. It is real. And people are there right now. Separated from God. FOREVER. And not to be alarming, but just to illustrate the weight of Hell: if you think life on Earth is hard, if you think things are getting worse by the second, if you're scared to raise your sons and daughters here, realize that at least God is present on this Earth. He is here. Right now. And think of the pain that's showcased on this earth. Can you even begin to imagine if God wasn't here at all? If there was nothing good here? Not one good thing? That's Hell. And that scares me with every fiber of my being. 

Praise God, each one of us is available to call on Jesus. Romans 10:13 says, "for whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." How do you get to Heaven? You don't get there by being a good person. Or by living a good life. Or by throwing a fastball 100 MPH. No, you're not even close to "good enough" in comparison to Jesus. You get to Heaven by realizing you're a sinner in need of a savior. Romans 10:9-10 says "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with he mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation." 

If Jesus is who He says He is, if he lived a perfect life, died for your sins, and then three days later, rose from the grave, defeating death, Hell, and the grave, then you must make a decision about him. It's the only honest choice you have. We don't serve a dead God. We serve a God that is alive. He is ALIVE. And from the other side of this computer, I'm begging you to consider it. Consider Jose. Consider where he is right now. Is this life really for nothing? Really? How is that even possible? In my honest opinion, this life is not for nothing. It can't be. We were not made for nothing. We did not get here by accident. Those events leading up to and directly after Jose's death were not coincidences. They were not accidents. Because our God is alive! He is at work, waiting for you to notice Him. Waiting for you to come running back to Him. With arms wide open, He waits.

With tired eyes and a weary heart, I am filled with the hope and promise of Jesus that our prayers will be answered. That through this tragedy, many will come to know the truth Adam and I define our lives by. That Jesus is Lord and the only way to life everlasting. Jose's death has brought a world, a community, a clubhouse, a friendship, and a family together in a way that only he could. He was a remarkable person. A dear friend. And a treasure to so many. And I hope and pray that he's also, and most importantly, an heir to the Throne.

Thank you, Jose.

Thank you for a life filled with adventure. For teaching us to enjoy the game. For that big, white smile and a zest for life. For Alejandra, my dear sister and friend. And for bringing me to a place where I can write this with confidence, courage, and expectation. It is through your life and your place in my heart that I am able to write this. 

Goodnight, dear friends. I love you. I care for you. And I'm here if you ever want to talk. But for now, I'm super tired. It's 4:16AM and after staying up until 3:00AM last night packing our apartment, I must rest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

Listen to this song. I can't help but think of Jose and my sweet Jesus.