Amelia's Birth-Day

 Well, it’s officially been TWELVE weeks since Amelia was born. And I can’t even believe it. I had every intention of writing this within a week of Amelia’s birth (hahahahahaha oh the naivety of pre-Mama-Kendall), but yeah, that didn’t happen. However, I finally (hooray) finished it and now...

The story of Millie’s birth:

It was long. It was tough. It was intense and exhausting. I’ve never before experienced such extreme, foreign sensations, but after 39 hours of labor, I finally got to hold our precious Amelia in my arms. And for that, every second of discomfort and pain was worth it. 

A little bit of the back story:

Maybe around a year ago, my girlfriend Sue commented to me that one day, she’d prefer to give birth in the water. I thought she was insane. Like, have your baby come out in the water? I’d never heard of such a thing. Then, I watched a documentary on water births and the business of childbirth in the US and my mindset began to change. My whole life, I was set on a medicated birth - there was no way I could endure birth without an epidural...and further, I thought that any woman who’d chose to forgo the medicine was a crazy feminist, trying to be superwoman for no good reason. It took that documentary, research, reflection, and prayer to come to the conclusion that in fact, I was going to birth my baby differently. Much differently than I’d always planned. Not because I wanted to be a superhero, but because it was how God created it to be and I wanted to experience it in its entirety. And so, when we found out I was pregnant in June, we had a new vision of what our birthing experience would be like: a water birth....without medication.

(And just as an aside: now that I’m a mommy, I realize how many options and decisions there are for literally everything you do to and for your children. All with the best intentions. The choice of a natural and unmedicated birth was Adam’s and my decision and not whatsoever a knock on anyone who did birth differently. It’s just what worked for us...and I want to take the time to share it because Millie’s birth was awesome. (Yes birth and awesome...in the same sentence!) And also, because you rarely get to hear the positive side of what birth can be and I want to offer comfort and confidence to any women faced with the fear of their upcoming birth!!

So with our birthing preferences certain, we began looking for hospitals that would honor our wishes. The problem? There’s only one hospital in South Florida that allows water birth...and we live nowhere near it. So, we chose the next best thing: a hospital that would allow labor in the tub all the way till crowning. We found a midwife/OBGYN practice that delivered at that specific hospital and up until 24 weeks, everything was set. It was a nice practice - our midwife was lovely - but eventually, we began getting uneasy feelings about the upcoming delivery. By that point, Adam and I were set on a completely intervention free birth. And pregnancy. For me and for the baby. But it wasn’t until I got push-back for declining my 28 week Rhogam, Dtap, and Flu shots (after discovering through the vaccine inserts themselves that the latter two are not even tested or studied on pregnant women) that I knew we were at the wrong place, with the wrong midwife, and the with wrong birthing plan. And Adam felt the same way. Plus, if I wasn’t allowed to have my baby into the water, my mind couldn’t settle on just exactly how I’d stand up and waddle out of the tub - mid-labor - with my baby crowing?! It didn’t make any sense and l began to worry.

And so, at 30 weeks pregnant, we looked into other options - that’s when we found The Palms Birth Center. Immediately, we knew that was where we were going to meet our little girl. We were at ease with their philosophy, loved the midwives, and were comfortable knowing that they couldn’t offer any medication to speed up labor or to block the pain. It was also a relief knowing that they agreed with us on our choice to forgo the vaccines. And even better still, was the fact that our baby could, in fact, be born into the water!

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On Tuesday morning, my parents arrived from Washington. At 40 weeks 1 day pregnant, I drove to Miami to get them and thankfully made it back safely to Jupiter without going into labor. It was my third trip to Miami in a week and by the time we got home, all of us were exhausted. We decided (since you can totally decide when your labor should start) to lay low that day in order to get some rest and prepare for the ultimate attempt to try and naturally induce my labor on Wednesday. 

Looking back now, it probably would’ve benefitted me to wait just one more day, but we were all anxious, so on Wednesday afternoon, Mom, Dan, and I went on a three-mile walk to Publix and back while Adam was at the field. Rumor has it that long walks can induce labor, and sure enough, by 10PM that night, my first hint of contractions had begun. 

That night trying to sleep was a joke. Besides the fact that I was SO anxious and SO concentrated on breathing through the contractions, around 3AM, I felt this weird, small gushing sensation. I thought it might be my waters leaking, so naturally, I panicked a little. The one thing I did NOT want to happen was having my water break before my body was ready to give birth. In Florida, after your waters have broken, you have 24 hours to deliver your baby naturally, otherwise, they induce you and give you antibiotics. Since this situation wasn’t ideal, we called our midwife immediately and she asked me to come into the birthing center the next morning - Thursday - to run a test on the fluid.

Mom, Dan, and I (Adam was at the field - Spring Training had started on the 20th) drove 35 minutes South to The Palms Birthing Center that next morning and were relieved that the fluid was in fact, not amniotic fluid...just labor and birthing...stuff. Whatever that meant! Thank goodness. At that point, my midwife Elizabeth checked me - I was 4cm dilated and 60% effaced - and sent me back home because Baby wasn’t ready yet! To fill up the rest of our day, we went to my chiropractor, got a pedicure (another natural labor inducer), went on another walk, and just as we were beginning to make dinner, my contractions had intensified and quickened. I was having a surge every 4 minutes for at least 1 minute. 

It was 6:30 when our midwife called and told us to head down.

We arrived at the birthing center at 7PM and by that time, I was 6cm and 80% effaced. Everyone was excited and ready to go. We were sure our baby was coming that night and couldn’t wait to meet her. While our midwives filled the tub and prepared the room, Adam and I found ourselves down the hall, sitting in on a presentation given by The Palms’ chiropractor.  

Yes, I was over 40 weeks pregnant, wearing sweats, in labor, bouncing on a physioball, sitting in on a lecture, learning even more about a passion of mine I didn’t know I had until just a few months ago. It was my version of the perfect-nerdy-so-Kendally-way to begin my transition into motherhood.

(Physioball was such a comfort)

(Yes, Whitacre came too!)

Adam and I sat in that room for a solid hour before Baby Girl was calling us away from the presentation and into the pool.

(You are more wonderful than I ever knew)

Dr. Ian’s 3-hour lecture ended at 10 that night, but before leaving for home, he came into my room and adjusted my pelvis and neck - in the tub. It was a blessing I wasn’t expecting. And if not for that adjustment, I cringe at the thought of how much longer my labor might’ve been. 

(I couldn't have done it without you)

A little bit about the pain associated with my experience of labor:

I went into this birth with a mindset that regardless of what happened, I would remain calm and positive. Adam and I spent A LOT of time building up my confidence in the capabilities of my body, and so during each contraction - though they most definitely were not comfortable - I concentrated hard on my breathing while telling myself, “just a little longer.” It helped to have a man by my side who believed in me, trusted in God’s design, and encouraged me to endure the most intense feelings I’ve ever felt. Yes, it hurt. But without a doubt, yes, it was manageable. Especially in the water.

(The Update Man...keeping everyone in the loop!)

After a few hours of sitting in the water and not really feeling any progress, my midwife checked me again and I was dilated to an 8...but during my contractions, I’d shrink back down to a 6. It was a bit of a bummer to hear, so at 2:30 in the morning, we called it quits and everyone went to sleep. Kind of. It’s basically impossible to sleep during labor - nothing is comfortable and every two to three minutes, you endure a tightening of your tummy that’s mostly indescribable...and it lasts at least a minute. For an hour, Adam sat behind me in a straddled position while I leaned back on him in what was the only position that was even remotely close to comfortable. It wasn’t for him however. And I felt bad. But he took such good care of me and didn’t let his own discomfort or tiredness affect me at all. 

(Thank you for your empowering words and servanthood throughout the entire experience)

By 7:30AM Friday morning, I was more anxious than ever and tired of trying to sleep. We woke up the midwives, sent Mommy out for breakfast, and by that time, I was dilated to a 9. Progress!! To aid my labor along even more - and to achieve that last centimeter - our midwives had me plug in my breast pump and pump each breast for 15 minutes. It’s true that nipple stimulation brings on labor and I’m definitely grateful I had my breast pump available to me - thanks to my Mommy and Dan who, at some point in the middle of the night, drove back home and picked it up for me!

It was around 10AM or so that things started to change. I was absolutely exhausted and more hungry than I can remember being, but I knew we were getting close. I hadn’t slept in 36 hours...and couldn’t eat anything either. Not that I wasn’t allowed to - because at birthing centers, they WANT you to eat - but because the thought of food made me want to puke. Not a good situation when you’re enduring the hardest workout of your life with almost no sustenance. I remember them “forcibly” feeding me spoonfuls honey and begging me to drink my apple juice. And though I didn’t want to, I did anyways. All of this in between the most intense and difficult sensations I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was entering the pushing phase of labor and it was absolutely exhausting. 

I worked out my entire pregnancy. Four days a week, I was in the gym trying to maintain my fitness and reach goals I had set for myself. At 39 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I completed two unassisted chin-ups and pulled a 100 pound sled 30 yards, 3 times in a row. I say this not to boast about myself, but to note how good of shape physically I was in. And still, in that last hour of pushing that Friday afternoon, I almost gave up. I was done. Mentally, physically, and emotionally done. I thought she would never come. And to this day, I know for a fact that if I’d been in a hospital setting, I would’ve asked for the epidural just so I could sleep. Rest. Gosh I needed rest. The pain I could handle. It was the exhaustion that suffocated me. Please God, help me get through this. I labored in so many different positions to get her to come down - I was in the tub, on the toilet, on the bed, on my knees, hanging from a door handle, squatting, legs up, legs down...every way you can imagine, I was doing whatever it took to get her out. But it was taking forever. I remember telling my midwives while laying on the bed with my legs in my mom’s and Adam’s arms that I was going to “take the next pushing contraction off.” Well, news to me...it’s impossible to “take a contraction off.” Your body naturally wants to expel the baby and it’ll force you to push even when you don’t have the energy to do so. I was so upset that I couldn’t rest for just one of them and I began to get frustrated.

Thankfully, my midwife Michelle suggested a sugar IV - I was in desperate need of an energy boost and if not for her quick thinking, I don’t know how my birthing story would’ve ended. They hooked my right arm up to the IV and not long after, I had new life. I could do this. Baby was going to come out. And though being connected to an IV wasn’t on my “birth plan,’ it’s what needed to happen and I was happy to make the decision. Immediately, things started to pick up. It was then that I began learning how to use my contractions in a way that I hadn’t before. I didn’t know it at the time, but there’s a specific way to push and for the longest time, I just couldn’t figure it out (think: push a bowling ball out of your butt. Yep!). Once I had the technique down, it went pretty fast. I was able to finally feel my bag of waters. My mom suggested using a mirror to show me how close Baby Girl was to being born and that helped tremendously too. Finally, she was coming down and the excitement picked up.

We were so close to meeting our Littlest Treasure, so around noon, we transitioned into the birthing tub. Myself and Adam!

This was the happiest moment of my labor - so far. It was such a relief to soak in the warmth and comfort of the water with my husband’s soft caresses soothing my pain away. The room was calm. The water was calm. Adam was calm. And so was I. Even our Baby was clam - her heart rate didn’t alter once during the whole entire process! I was pushing every couple of minutes - big pushes - and soon, I could feel her head through my bag of waters! At that point, my waters were still intact and we were anxious to know if Baby would come out in them! 

And then, with one push, a “popping” sound and sensation occurred and sure enough, finally, my waters had broken. It wasn’t long after that Little Tiny Head was beginning to crown.

With Adam behind me, he reached down to feel her head and all her hair and encouraged me to do the same. The midwives turned me around onto my bottom (with Adam behind me) and I felt my baby’s hair for the first time. It was magical. I’ll never forget the feeling. And though, at this point, I was enduring the “Ring of Fire” (a very accurate description of crowning), it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Not my pain. Not my discomfort. Not my exhaustion. The pain is temporary, Kendall. You can do it. Push her out!!  At this point, my midwives were mindful of my previously expressed very real fear of tearing my perineum, so they helped me to slowly and gently push at this stage. 

When I was finally open enough to push without tearing, I was given the green light and with one strong effort, her head had finally been born! The worst of the pain was over. Our midwives checked the baby’s neck immediately - the cord was not wrapped and her heart rate was perfect! I sat there for a while longer - maybe a minute or so - before my midwives grabbed each leg and encouraged me to push the rest of her out. With everything I had left, I pushed. I pushed as hard as I could. And suddenly, she came out! Into Daddy’s hands. And I vividly remember Elizabeth saying, “Pick her up Mama!!” I reached down and together, Adam and I brought Our Child out of the water and into our lives. It was the most intensely satisfying moment I have ever experienced. Feeling her come out from within me is something I’ll never forget. And never take for granted. God showed me - in that moment - the immaculate beauty of His perfect design and I was in awe of his creation. Giving birth made me realize even more, just how much of a true miracle each life is, and how incredibly perfect the female body was made. It was everything I could do but to cry out in joy. How awesome is He! 

Those next few seconds were filled with an intense kind of emotion that again, I had never known. I was relieved. I was excited. I was exhausted and in love. It was the happiest time of my life. 

As I held her in my arms, hearing her cry for the very first time, I was overwhelmed. Completely.

And when Daddy slid over to lay his hand softly on her head with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him, I felt a sort of completeness in me that didn’t realize was missing. My life had suddenly changed. In the most dramatic of ways. And it was absolutely miraculous. 

A few minutes later, with Baby Girl wrapped tightly in our love, Adam prayed over our family the sweetest words I’ve ever heard him utter. As he spoke, we wept. Huge tears. Filled with unspeakable joy. A tiny 7 pound 15 ounce, 20 inch Miracle lay before us and we had finally become The Conley Three at 1:18PM on Friday, February 27, 2015.

We spent maybe a total of ten minutes in the tub meeting our Little Girl - counting her toes, making sure she was actually a girl, and appreciating every hair on her very hairy head. 

I would have loved to have stayed in the tub with her even longer, but I was bleeding more heavily than the midwives were comfortable with, so, with my husband on one arm and my mommy on the other, they heaved Baby and I out of the tub, as I had zero energy to stand on my own. With the placenta still inside me, baby still attached to it, and me holding her tight, we waddled carefully to the bed and laid down. I continued to bleed quite heavily, and after thirty minutes - when the placenta was finally delivered - my midwife realized that my uterus had prolapsed. I was in labor so long and my ligaments got so tired and weak, that when Baby (with her 93rd percentile-sized head) came out of me, my uterus came with her. Elizabeth put it back in place (I’ll spare you the details), but because of this unforeseen complication, I began to hemorrhage. All this with Baby still on my chest! I remember feeling very lightheaded and woozy, and though I more or less forbade any type of intervention while Baby Girl was inside me, I trusted my midwives when they told me that they had to inject some Pitocin into my IV to cause a contraction to stop the bleeding. It took Adam a moment or two to accept this decision (because I made him promise me that he wouldn’t let anyone inject anything into either of us), but ultimately, he understood the necessity of the Pitocin and within a few minutes, my bleeding had subsided and I was feeling much better. Especially after the donut I was given! 

It was then that Daddy got to cut the cord - probably an hour after she was born. And it was really a sweet memory. He mentioned it being much tougher to cut than he’d anticipated, but got through it and finally, with her separated from the placenta - with all the extra blood and nutrients having been passed to her - she was ready to test out nursing for the very first time!

But because I was still attached to the IV - which was continually hydrating me - I was unable to use my right arm. And so, my mom took Baby’s face and basically smashed it to my breast. The rest is nursing history! Our baby knew exactly what to do (another miracle of birth!) and had a terrific latch - a blessing most definitely! We were skin to skin the entire time - we decided against bathing her and instead let the vernix (that white stuff on their skin that they’re born with) massage into her skin. That way, I wouldn’t be separated from her. And apparently, that goey “icky” white stuff is actually quite beneficial for baby skin...adult skin too! My midwife mentioned that some moms will lather that stuff on their wrinkle spots!!

When she finished nursing, we wrapped her up and...

...Adam finally held our Baby in his arms for the very first time. What a moment! Another one! It took one look at his face admiring her for me to know that he’d be everything she’d ever need in a earthly daddy. The blessings just kept on coming that day! 

Then Mom and Dan got a chance to meet their newest - and first - granddaughter. I loved the way they lit up as they held her close. 

With everyone having gotten to spend a bit of time with her, we were ready for our chiropractor! Dr. Lucas drove down to the birthing center to meet our Precious and to adjust her for the very first time - just 2 hours after being born. Another fond memory of mine! It was very important to Adam and I that Baby was adjusted so soon after birth because of how hard birth is on babies as well, and Lucas did it gladly! 

She was then measured and weighed (after pooping meconium all over her new blanket),

Spot-rinsed off (because she had poop all over her), 

And dressed in her first outfit - white and pink pajamas with a little cap to keep her warm. She was 7lbs 15 oz, 20 inches long, with a FOURTEEN inch head. Our Little Lady already had a lot of brains!

We got ready - they cleaned up the room while I showered off - and at 7PM on Friday night - 6 hours after she'd been born - the five of us left the birthing center and went home. The most incredible, hard, painful, rewarding, unbelievably precious and special day was coming to an end. And for the first time, Adam and I held hands as Mommy and Daddy...and a family of three.

God is so good. 

More good than I ever knew.

More good than I can ever know.

And birth - oh birth - what a beautiful thing!!

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One more thing: by the time Adam and I left the birthing center, our child was nameless. However, one really neat thing happened that I never got a photo of. I blame Adam...and my wooziness. I had just given birth and he was pretty preoccupied too, so I'll forgive us! But get this: Adam and I had been going back and forth on names for like, my entire pregnancy. We finally settled on Miller. Both of us loved it. Absolutely. And I was going to nickname her Millie. Well, long story short, it was brought to our attention that Miller is also a brand of beer. I was devastated. I hadn’t even thought of that, but I also didn’t want a bunch of “Miller Time” signs flashed around at her sporting events when she was 18. SO, it was back to square one. I still desperately wanted to nickname her Mille, so one night - not long before she came - I woke up and began researching names that could use the nickname Mille. That’s when I found Amelia. It had been mentioned once before around Christmastime by one of our friends, but we sorta just forgot about it. I told Adam that next morning and he immediately perked up to it. He shot every name I threw out down, so this was a big deal. We still weren’t sure though. I just loved the name Miller - Adam even said that when we found out she was a girl, that’s the name that he called her in his head. Which made the whole beer thing sting even worse. But Amelia was now a contender. And the only one I could also use “Millie” on. Well, when our midwives started breaking down the tub that I gave birth in that afternoon, they noticed something SHOCKING. When the plastic was removed from the pool, on the side of the tub, written in permanent marker...WAS THE NAME AMELIA! For real!! Apparently, a baby Amelia had been birthed in that tub about 10 years before! Well, after three days of letting everything sink in and getting to know our Little Baby, she was finally finally given a name. And our Amelia Lynn Conley is everything we could’ve ever prayed for and dreamed of. She’s the closest thing to perfection on this planet and I am so incredibly thankful that she’ll one day call me Mama. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
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Lastly, I'd just like to open myself up to anyone who has any questions for me or Adam regarding Amelia's birth and the choices we made. I'm absolutely an open book and would love to explain, direct, comfort, help, and/or encourage anyone who would like it...in any way I can, whether that be related to our birthing plan, our decisions, our convictions, or our experience in general!! Birth is incredible, my friends. And it would a great joy of mine to hear more women speak about their births with confidence and excitement - in whatever manner they choose, be it a C-Section, a medicated birth, a completely natural birth, a home birth...in WHATEVER way - but without the negativity and fear.