The Sprinkle
The last 35 weeks of our lives have been marked by incredible change through an even more incredible blessing. God has been kind to us in the most generous of ways. I've yet to be completely transparent these past eight months through my writing because, well, there's a lot to say and a lot of emotion and feelings I've been working through. I wasn't sure when it would come that I'd open up more, but since the following photos are the only ones I took yesterday, I think it's the perfect time. Over the past year, I've been trying to piece my words together and honestly, they've just not come easily. And it's only been over the last month that I've given myself any grace over it. I started writing a blog post - that's still not finished - over 6 months ago and the internal frustration I've experienced over it has rendered me silent. This was not my intention. The reality my family and friends have shared together since July has been nothing short of blissful, but what came before that is what has given me pause in this particular setting. I don't know how to appropriately mourn the loss of one child while celebrating the life of another on a public forum when my words won't defend my feelings with the kind of justice they deserve. So, instead, I chose not to write. Not at least until I was met with the proper time and I guess that time is now. And so, over the course of the next week, I'll publicly make it my own mission to share with you my heart. Because that's what I do desire. And now that Adam has started spring training, I'll at least have more time to sit in front of my words. Which I know will offer relief, encouragement, excitement, and probably a list of other emotions that I'm ready to confront.
In February of 2016, Adam and I lost our second baby. Simultaneously, I almost lost my life to the ectopic pregnancy when my tube ruptured on a flight to Denver. But praise God, He chose to extend my days and four months later, we were honored and blessed with the news of our third child.
This child has brought us more joy than we could've ever imagined. And we haven't even met Baby yet. Whomever is inside my belly has bonded Adam, Amelia, and I with such strength, has carried us to new truths, and has propelled our faith to places we didn't know existed. I am SO ready to meet this perfect child God has entrusted to us and my desire is that they someday realize just how deeply they've impacted our lives already. Even through my absence in writing it down.
Yesterday, my girlfriends threw Amelia and I a beautiful shower in celebration of our new baby. It was the perfect time.
Beebee! Beebee shower? Beebee Mama's tummy!
Oh my heart.
I can't wait to share the fullness of Amelia's days now - she's the most maternal, precious, loving big sister I've ever met. And she is ready to meet her Beebee.
The girls who've been by my side through it all. I love you each so dearly. Thank you for showering me with such encouragement, love, humility, and grace over the past year.
And thank YOU for being so good to Mommy, sweet BabyGirl. You are so completely easy to love and I know your Beebee will feel the same.
I can't wait to see you in your new role, Sissy. You're going to love it!!
My heart couldn't be more full.
I am more excited than ever for our family. We are ready to meet our newest Babe and as the days go by, the anticipation builds exponentially. I can't wait to hold you in my hands and love you with a love I can't even comprehend yet. It gives me butterflies just thinking about it. You are precious in a deeply personal and emotional way to me and I look forward with great joy to love you well. To love you individually and fully and with ease. Because you are - and always have been - so easy to love.
Thank you again, Channing and Brandi, for hosting such a sweet shower, filled with friendship, fellowship, laughter, and sincerity. I love you and appreciate your labor of love more than you know.
From the Mama and the Sissy:
WE CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU BEEBEE!!
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