Four Outs Away

My husband's thoughts on his near no-hitter:


I've been reading a lot of people's opinions of my manager's decision to pull me in the eighth inning - four outs away from a no-hitter. I wanted to share this with anyone willing to read my thoughts on it.

I didn't sign up to play professional baseball for the signing bonus, nor did I sign up so I could be on TV. I didn't do it so people would know my name. I don't play so I'll be remembered. I don't play for my identity. I play baseball for one reason: God.

I first started playing at 3 years old. At age 7, I told my dad I was going to pitch in the Big Leagues like Randy Johnson, and I started pitching at 8. For as long as I can remember - up until I was 20 - failing at baseball was eating me alive. I couldn't explain at the time, why I needed to succeed so badly. I remember getting out as a Little Leaguer and crying - not because I felt sorry for myself, but because all I wanted to do in life was succeed at the game of baseball. I HAD to succeed. I HAD to play at the next level.

By the time I was in college, I was a drunk and a list of other things I won't disclose to the Internet publicly (thinking of the kids). I found that the party lifestyle fit in nicely with the crowd who was most appreciative of my talents on the baseball field. So, like in baseball, my addictive personality and ego led me down a dark road of surface relationships and emptiness. That summer, I broke my pitching hand punching the side of a house.

When I lost my opportunity to play in the Cape Cod League, missed out on closing for Team USA, and jeopardized my draft status for my Junior year, I learned one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned: baseball was a terrible god, and I had been worshipping it my entire life. My god had forsaken me. I didn't know for what reason I should be living. Put in a less dramatic way: it scared me to death. God had been bringing me to this place of understanding my whole life and I never saw it coming. Jesus was the only permanent thing I had ever heard of. And I had nothing. Without any second thoughts or any understanding of what I was getting myself into, I dove headfirst - recklessly - into faith in Jesus Christ. My life had been wrecked.

Everthing I ever thought was important to me became foolish. Over the next year, I mended relationships with my mom, my dad, and my brother. I found out who my true friends were. I stopped chewing, cussing, watching porn, and countless other sins in my life. The change in my appearance and my actions were staggering. The profound thing is: this massive change outwardly paled in comparison to the change that happened in my heart when I put my faith in Christ.

I had now learned the most important fact in all creation: Jesus IS who He says He is, and the Bible is true. My addictive personality latched onto God's word, true love, relationships, discipleship, and God's will - among other things. The fog that had been in front of my eyes had been cleared by the Creator of the universe. I had an encounter with Christ and when I saw His mercy, grace, peace, power, and His offer to me, I couldn't decline. He was offering me salvation and rescue from my emptiness.

I knew that I had been given great gifts to play the game of baseball, but when I confessed with my mouth Jesus was Lord, and believed in my heart God raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 10:9), I learned the reason I had anything at all. Once I realized who Jesus was, I immediately saw who I truly was: a sinful man, selfish, and cruel. A boastful man who took credit for God's grace in my life. Even before I confessed him as Lord, he showed me so much grace.

I say this all to paint a picture for you. This truth in my heart can't allow me to make my life about no-hitters. I can't - with any integrity at all - say that I was responsible for what happened the other night. God has blessed me to have a platform on a grand stage. I understand it to be so grand that I had actually prayed in 2015 that I wouldn't get called up to the Big Leagues because I didn't want to be responsible for such a good gift from God. But God has been faithful in redeeming my heart. He has led me here; called me here. And I have prayed to Him over and over, "Lord, change my heart to mean it when I say, 'You can send me anywhere to do anything.' And may my life be a living sacrifice to you. No matter the cost, Lord, I will follow."

That sounds like a lame prayer coming from a guy in the Big Leagues. "Easy for you to say," comes to mind. I understand. But realize: the value you're putting on Major League Baseball comes from a kingdom of which I don't measure baseball. The Kingdom of God doesn't consist of the things of this world. Jesus is the embodiment of the Kingdom of God. Look at his life on Earth. In Matthew 8:20, Jesus explains to a young man that he doesn't even have anywhere to rest his head (no place to sleep). Jesus was a poor man, with no status or earthly riches. He constantly warns us in the Bible that following Him will come at great cost. but the cost He is talking about is only costly in the Earthly kingdom, where we're promised that riches and fame and good looks - among many other things - will make everything ok. These are the very promises that had let me down so often before.

Getting back to my first paragraph: I don't play for the money, or fame, or status. I had actually prayed to avoid all these things. But God has brought me here to witness, and tell people of His love for all of us. To tell people of His offer.

I want to finish every game I start and I am free to work at baseball exactly as it ought to be worked at. I pride myself in stewarding the gifts God has given me to be the best pitcher I can physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually be. That said, I respect my manager's plans for this season and my career. I understand the risks of high pitch counts. I know a no-hitter is historic and rare. And if I played solely for my own gain, then I would have been much more upset about being pulled. But I have to focus on a reality. With all the richness God has blessed me with in my life - all His grace, that He saved me from my sin - how can I justly ask for more? How can I claim that I've been cheated?. I love my God and that's why I do anything at all.

Plus, if I wanted to throw a no-hitter, I shouldn't have walked 4 guys, right?! Always learning.

Be blessed.

-Adam Conley