The Twelfth Month of Millie
My little Treasure,
I'm days late writing this. I've made excuse after excuse for putting it off (good excuses, really), but I think what it mostly came down to was the fact that somewhere inside of me, I just knew I'd need an entire box of tissue and a whole lot of time to finish - well, shoot, even start - this letter.
On the day you turned one, I was so busy and preoccupied and frenzied and anxious to even comprehend what was happening. You were crawling everywhere and getting into everything. Between chasing you and attempting to host the first party at our new (unfurnished) home, I couldn't emotionally process what was happening. I've had a few days. And it's finally hitting me. I've been extremely sensitive to the thought of you growing up, ever since the moment I met you. Not that I'm afraid of seeing you grow - I do absolutely LOVE watching every single milestone you achieve - I'm just crushed that it's going by so quickly. That one day I'll wake up, and you won't be my baby baby anymore. Gosh, that just makes Mommy so sad!
Because MillieGirl, I'm so in love with you. And that's why it's so hard on Mommy. I can't even begin to unravel the feelings I have for you. I love every little tiny nuance and unsuspecting thing about you. And I don't ever want to say bye to my little tiny baby girl. I love the way your neck smells after a sweaty nap. The way you pinch your fingers on the back of my arms. The smile you greet me with when you wake up in the morning. I love the way you move your hips from side to side when you dance dance dance. The daredevil mindset that propels you up and down and over and around every single obstacle. The way you cry when I put you down. The way you immediately stop when I lift you back up. I love the way you drink water too fast from a straw and then spit it back up. The way your hair sticks straight up in a bow. The way you love listening to music. The way you say "belly button." Beeeeey btttttt. And the way you kiss Bedelia the doll and hold her tight. I love the scrunchy nose you never tire of wearing. I love your immune system. I love the *pat pat pat* on my chest and the noise you make while drinking milky. I love the way you look while you sleep. Even when it's horizontal across the entire middle of our bed.
I've said it so many times before: if I can love you THIS much, I can't even begin to fathom the amount of love that Jesus has for us. It chokes me up every time. "How deep the Father's love for us," you know that song we always sing? It's so true, my Baby. So, so true. And one day, you'll know just what I'm talking about.
You've filled our days with such extreme joy - joy that we didn't even know existed. Your face is the prettiest, most precious thing I've ever seen and your kisses-on-demand are easily the sweetest things in existence. You personality lights up our lives. You're so fun and fearless and sensitive and smart. We can't get enough of you and now, only one year later, Daddy and I can't even begin to imagine how we ever did life without you. You keep us ready. You keep us busy. You keep us smiling, even when it's so easy to frown. When you accomplish something for the first time, it gives us a boost that we didn't even know we desired. Your calm demeanor and extreme flexibility has made this past year a breeze.
This month was filled with so many more firsts - a few that I didn't necessarily want you to experience yet, but thankful you did when all was said and done. The lowlight/highlight of your Twelfth month was when you and Mommy took and ambulance to the ER on a layover in Denver, where I had to have emergency surgery. It was the most traumatic day - for the both of us - but I do believe that we both came away from it stronger and closer. Praise God. You were by my side (and on my side) through the whole experience and though I pray it never happens to me (or anyone else) ever again, I am thankful we went through it together. You'll be apart of that memory forever. And it is a special memory. Even though it's a sad one. I don't know if I ever thanked you for being there, but Amelia, thank you. Though you didn't have a choice in the matter, your presence held me together in a way that I wouldn't have held without you. And for that, I'll always be thankful.
On a high-highlight note, this month YOU WALKED EIGHT WHOLE STEPS and we caught it on film!! It was an incredible accomplishment and one you made the night before you turned one! What an achievement, Little Lady! Wow! Too fun! More firsts: you learned to shred (and eat) toilet paper. So gross, but so funny. You learned how to use a fork (though you're not very efficient with it). You learned how to climb down stairs (on your bum!!) and how to climb off the bed (tummy down, feet first)! You took a nap for the first time EVER in your crib and you rode down the big kid (Mommy's crying) slide all by yourself (although you totally ate it at the bottom - whoops)! You also went to your first FanFest at Marlins Stadium, where you spotted Dada signing autographs and waited patiently for your own picture with him.
Gosh, that smile. Lights up my life.
This month, you met your cousin Parker for the first time. You sure love babies. Especially him. You gave him hugs and kisses and probably a few bruises if we're being honest. But he didn't seem to mind! As of now, you think bedtime is hilarious - you could be almost completely asleep, but the second we put you onto our bed, you crawl and scream with wild laughter and flip and flop all over the place. It's maybe the most adorable thing you do. Makes Mama and Dada laugh every single time! To fight sleep (which you do often), you like to sing and wiggle and kick and flail. If your arms aren't being held down, you won't sleep. And if your fingers aren't captured, you'll pinch me to death. It's endearing. But it does come with a slight bit of frustration. And blood. For you though, I'll endure it! You hate the covers once you're asleep and every time we wake up, you're sprawled out on top of the blankets, often times looking just like Superman. Dad and I can't help but giggle.
You're SUCH a beauty!! It's scary how pretty you are!
And how big! You're already in size four diaper, size four shoes, and you can wear 12-18 month clothes! I think Mama Milk is doing your body just fine. And it should be - since you're still getting it all throughout the day AND at least three times a night! We don't know when you'll begin weaning, but I don't think it's anywhere in sight...and I don't want it to be!
Amelia, I've prayed for you and hoped for you and dreamed for you ever since I knew you were a tiny speck in my belly. I hope I've been everything you could want in a mommy because you're everything I could have wanted in a baby. I am so thankful to Jesus for this year and for your sweet little life. You've taught me more about the Gospel and about myself than I ever expected. You helped to bring Daddy and I closer than we've ever been. And you've sharpened me as a woman.
You're one-derful in every way and I'm so glad to be your mommy.
God knit you together in the most beautiful way. I am in awe of His perfect creation. You are so very lovely, Amelia. So very sweet. And so very bright.
I pray that over the course of your life, you will teach me even more about Jesus than you already have. That you'll continue molding me and shaping me into the woman God is calling me to be. And that one day, you'll come to me with the news of your confession of faith in your Father and Savior in Heaven. That is my ultimate hope and prayer for you, Baby Girl. It always has been. It always will be. And Daddy and I will promise to always provide for you an environment that enables you to flourish in, by the grace of God.
I love you with all my heart, Amelia Lynn.
I love being your mommy. More than I ever could've possibly imagined.
I love loving you. And I know I always will.
You are our greatest joy and the most special treasure.
Thank you for the most incredible year of our lives. You are truly a little miracle and we praise God for you!!
All my love,
Mommy
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Below is a video of...your entire life! From the moment we found out you were in my tummy, we took weekly photos of your progression in Mommy's belly. And then, when you made your entrance into this big huge world, we took a photo of you every single day of your life. Some videos too. I hope you find much joy watching this when you're older, but for now, all your friends and family get to enjoy it! Click the link!
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